Cheap therapy....old friends...not so gold

OK, in my mind right now I look like Carrie in Sex and the City as I write this question worth pondering......"Do you reach a point where an old friendship becomes a toxic friendship that needs to die a natural death?" I'll call this "friend" JEAN (because that's her name) I can use her real name because she will never read my Blog because it's not about how important she is. Jean and I go way back....I remember her mom telling me about how she and my mom, who were both pregnant with us attending a baby shower for another woman who had twins---Chuck and Mike. They are twins but Chuck died from some heart virus when they were in their 30's. I digress.... So, we've been friends for a long time. We didn't become best friends until we were freshman at Clara City High School. That's 36 years ago. As I look back on our friendship now I can see some issues that were never addresed My sister in law, Jan has told me that she always thought Jean was jealous of me. Believe me, there was no reason. I lived in town and she lived on a farm...maybe that bothered her but come on...Clara City is not a city! As I think about this maybe it will sound like I was jealous of Jean but I really wasn't. She was tall and naturally thin where I had to become somewhat anorexic to get thin....that lasted about 4 days. She had two boyfriends before I even had a date, she breezed through nursing school where I had all kinds of issues and took an extra year to finish. By the way, not being in the same class in nursing school with Jean was the best thing that could have happened. I didn't rely on her and actually made my own friends (I was shy). Through all this we remained very close friends. I'm not even mentioning when we were in high school I got a watch and she turned around and got a better watch. I got a suitcase for high school graduation and she picked out a nicer one. I noticed this but didn't dwell on it. I ended up getting married a year before she did and got pregnant easily. She had some infertility problems but ended up having two kids. I had three girls, she had a boy and a girl. There was much talk from her about "MY SON" Her way of rubbing it in that she had a boy? I don't know. I wouldn't trade my kids for either one of hers, believe me. Through all these years I always felt we were on the same page....we both lived in the Twin Cities and were working hard and didn't have much money. In 1988 Tom lost his job and there wasn't much in the computer industry in MN so we moved to Oregon. It was a really hard move for me and I was incredibly homesick for a year. I had to leave a job I loved and leave "home" for the first time. It turned out to be a good move and we were able to build a nice house and make some new friends. Jean and I kept in touch with weekly phone calls (no e mail back then). I really believe I never rubbed anything in Jean's face. Come on....my first plane ride was when I was 29 years old. I'd never been anywhere before moving to Oregon. I have to admit that when my oldest daughter, Brenna (hi Brenna!) went back to MN to attend college that Jean was a life saver and helped out a lot. Let's move forword a few years...Jean is in an unhappy marriage but both she and Jim (her husband ) have good jobs and Jim's parent die and leave him some money. They finally get to take some great vacations... a cruise, a trip to Mexico, etc. They sell their house and build a new townhouse and buy a trailor which they move to a lot they rented on lakeshore in MN. They make many new, very "important" friends. Jean turned 50 in July of 2004. I knew she wasn't happy about this b'day so I made a point of being really nice. I sent her a card every day for a week and sent her a really neat gift and of course I called her along with sending many e cards. This is hardly acknowleged. I just hear about what her new friends do for her. My 50th birthday was November of 2004. I was also depressed about this birthday and I had quit a long term job and started a new job that was awful so I was really, really depressed. This is right around the time that Jean and Jim moved to their new townhouse but still.....no card, no call, no e mail mentioning my birthday. I got e mails from her but it was just about her nice place and the move and her important friends. This set off something in me. I was SO hurt that I stopped all communication with her. When she finally realized this and I told her why I was hurt she flipped out. How could I be so thoughtless? She finally has a new place...I had a new house. Why couldn't I be happy for her and all the good things going on in HER life? I haven't even mentioned how she carries on and on about how really IMPORTANT her NEW friends are....why Wilber or whatever his name is is "the Chip Goeman" of Lisbon, ND. I realize that no one knows who Chip Goeman is but for some reason she thinks he is some God like guy that we went to high school with. He wasn't very bright and flunked a grade and didn't go to college or ever even leave Clara City. He took over his dad's life insurance company in Clara City (big fish in tiny, tiny pond) Too much detail, I know but I'm thinking I've about had it with Jean. She expects me to be impressed with all her activites now. She always looked down on us because we would maybe have a beer with friends.....alcohol....evil. Well, her new friends drink and now it's all about fancy red wine at some fancy house, rum slushes on their deck. I shared information with her (via e mail, we rarely talk on the phone anymore) about my sister having emergency surgery and being very sick and she didn't even mention it. I heard about how she's heading back to the lake and will be having a "girls day out" Friday and they'll go shopping all day. Someone told me a few months ago that she had read an article about how just because freindships are old doesn't mean they should continue. People outgrow each other and you shouldn't remain friends if it's just a habit....especially if it's turned toxic. I think this is a toxic friendship. I can't imagine that anyone has made it though this long blog entry.....even my own childred but cheap therapy, right??